Will anyone ever understand what i'm going through?

If anyone were to get an award for multiple miscarriages it would be me. Everyone tells me 'oh its ok you are still young.' 'oh just try again' What i'm going through now is something that i hope nobody goes through. Baby number 2 stopped growing, my hcg level is dropping everyday. The doctor said 'as the fetus is still so tiny, just let it (the miscarriage) happen naturally. The way she said it is like the way people chomps on a chicken hamburger, nothing special. Does anybody understands what i'm going through? I have a dead fetus in me and everyday i'm just waiting for it to come out. The kind of trauma that I went through within 6 mths is affecting me so badly that I don't want to wake up anymore, I just wish i'm dead. Jeff being his usual self is of no help at all. Who can help me through what i'm going through right now? I'm depressed, aimless, disappointed, confused and wanted to die. I'm actually blaming myself for what has happened, i'm ashamed of myself for miscarrying again and again. I see undeserving people with babies, I helped people, i've not done anything wrong, we are good people, what have i ever done to deserve this? I feel so heart broken when I see my friends pregnant, giving birth smoothly showing off their pregnant bellies and their cute babies. What about me? I always end up with empty hope. I always ended up with nothing. I don't know how to walk on anymore. I hope next time if god wants to take my baby away, he will take me too.

I'm caught in the storm

Today Dr Goh told me my baby only grew 2mm in a week. Thats not a good sign at all. Once again I'm caught in the storm. How do I walk out of the storm? I realised now no one can help me all i can do is to pray. I just wanted to die now.